Week 3 Day 7: Assignment: Ask Three People What It Is Like to Work With You

Pick three people -- one peer, one direct report, and one person outside your immediate team. Ask each of them the same question: 'What is it like to work with me on a bad day?' Do not ask 'How am I doing?' or 'Do you have any feedback?' Those questions are too vague and too easy to dodge. The bad-day question works because it gives them permission to describe your stress signature without it feeling like a personal attack.

Here is how to do it. Send a message or pull them aside and say: 'I am working on becoming a better leader. I have one specific question and I would really value your honest answer. What is it like to work with me on a bad day -- when I am stressed, overloaded, or frustrated? I am not looking for reassurance. I genuinely want to know.' Then listen. Write down what they say, word for word if you can. Do not explain. Do not defend. Do not say 'but that only happened because.' Just say 'thank you.' If all three people describe a different pattern, you are probably early in your self-awareness journey and have multiple stress behaviors depending on context. If all three describe the same pattern -- that is your stress signature. Write it down and put it somewhere you will see it. This is data that you cannot get any other way. Most leaders will never ask this question. You are going to ask it three times this week. The answers will connect directly to the exercises in Week 7 when we build your first Leadership Operating Manual draft.

This exercise is adapted from executive coaching methodology documented by Marshall Goldsmith in 'What Got You Here Won't Get You There.' Goldsmith's feedforward process -- asking stakeholders for specific behavioral input and responding only with gratitude -- has been tested across more than 86,000 participants with consistent results: leaders who ask and visibly act on stakeholder feedback show measurable improvement in subsequent 360-degree assessments. The three-person design is intentional: peer feedback captures your collaborative behavior, direct report feedback captures your power-down communication style, and cross-team feedback captures your organizational citizenship. Together they provide a three-dimensional view of your external self-awareness. This assignment also establishes a behavioral precedent that we will build on throughout the course. In Week 7, you will use this feedback to write the 'How I Work' section of your Leadership Operating Manual -- the written document that makes your patterns, preferences, and stress behaviors transparent to your entire team.